Wishlist No. 3
Consider this your cue to get me a birthday gift — it’s on August 4 ;)
It’s one of those articles where I tell you everything I’m craving right now!
As you grow up, you get used to a certain level of comfort, further and further removed away from the living conditions you were used to in your early twenties. And there are some things that, once you’re rich or adult enough to enjoy, you just can’t go back. Like 3-ply toilet paper, or your own washing machine, or a dishwasher.
Tragically, after years as a dishwasher owner, I moved into a new apartment with a toddler size kitchen and had to leave my favourite appliance behind, and I’ve been cleaning dishes manually like some pathetic loser since. But enough is enough. I’m 37, my back hurts, I’m dying to crash on the couch and watch Dateline after dinner, and I just can’t do this anymore!!! And I’m getting a cute mini dishwasher as soon as my budget allows it.
I always liked animal prints, but leopard can be hard to pull off because fast fashion and sex culture have made it so tacky. Cow print is easier to pull off—it’s playful, black and white goes with virtually anything, and people can tell when you wear it ironically. I love thosese Lisa Says Gah clogs. They would be really cute with culottes and lettuce socks.
I have been watching a ton of reality TV and praying at the altar of television’s HBIC Tiffany Pollard, aka Flavor of Love’s New York, aka the holy mother of entertainment. She’s still bigger than life, but has come a long way since her days of wreaking havoc on Flavor Flav’s dating show, where slut shaming, homophobia, transphobia and fatphobia were common ground. In 2022 and 2023, she hosted Hot Haus, a wholesome reality TV competition series aimed at finding the next queer sex symbol. Wait, why am I writing about this again? Oh yeah. The necklace. One of the judges, Matt Camp, wore a similar one in one episode, and I can’t get it out of my mind. I don’t normally wear silver (I like gold better), but I would make an exception.
Thomas Sabo has the most adorable Haribo collab with bracelets, necklaces and earrings; I’ve got my eye on these stackable rings.
Is it practical? Nope. But is it the coolest clutch you have ever seen? Absolutely. This JW PEI pigeon bag reminds me of those cute pigeons with backpacks that were caught smuggling drugs in prison.
Remember the goldfish platform shoes from long ago? I bought them, and they’re still in the box. Never wore them. And I know the same thing would happen if I got my hands on these brass knuckle stilettos. Does it change anything? Nope. I want them and I’ll have them. No idea where to buy them, though.
What can I say? It’s spring and I’m feeling sexy 💁🏻
In this month’s hot news everyone is talking about, I went to the dentist after YEARS of not going and was thrillingly surprised to learn that I have NO CAVITY. Woohoo! Party in my mouth and everyone’s invited!1 So yeah obviously I want to stay on that road and keep those pearly whites in top shape; plus it’s the 21st century and brushing your teeth manually is, ugh, so 1999, and I am so ready to blossom into a hip modern adult woman with impeccable dental hygiene. So time to invest into a fancy electric toothbrush, bitch! And a cute little water flosser too! 😊