Trivia Dumpster 2: More Random Shit
In which I reflect back on 2023, make simple resolutions for the year to come and bombard you with trivia 8-D
Hello friends, and welcome to 2024!
It’s been years since my last New Year’s Eve party. Either I don’t get invited, or I do but a) I get a terrible cold and stay home b) I feel horribly depressed and stay home. I always drink too much anyway, and nobody wants to start the new year by throwing up Cabernet Sauvignon and antipasti down the kitchen sink because they couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time—especially since everything is closed on January 1st, so good luck finding Drano to unclog the pipes—ANYWAY.
About last year…
My husband and I separated in late November 2023, so last year marked my first New Year’s Eve without him and our son. I had never been alone for the Holidays before and I was extremely depressed. My friends were too busy and distracted to see how sad I was. It made me angry so I ended up in complete isolation, cutting off everyone for over a week and remaining silent until they were worried “enough”—needless to say, I was punishing myself for my failed marriage a lot more than I was punishing them.
In an absurd display of moroseness, I made dill pickles the theme of the night. I bought a few of those eggplant-sized Van Holten pickles, yes, those, the ones with fun names like Big Papa and Big Maman that are soaking in all that DILL-icious brine in their individual packages because fuck the environment. They’re even kind of hollow in the middle, so you can suck the juice and get closer to God. So good! I fully embraced the theme, munching on Miss Vickie’s Spicy Pickle chips for textural contrast and nursing pickle martinis that tasted of garlic, tears and heartburns. Then I installed OkCupid while absently watching the movie Smile (not great) and matched with a former partner within ten minutes: an hour later, he was in my bed, exploring my pickled mouth with his tongue while Ayaka was yapping and desperately scratching at the door.
What a way to kick off 2023.